These Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the reality soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - going on a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."