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On occasion, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments often turn “detached from reality”, he admits. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically coming after a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his behavior, rendering him highly sensitive to negative feedback from external sources. He began to think he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms online – and was later confirmed by a specialist. But, he doubts he would have accepted the diagnosis unless he had already reached that conclusion by himself. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – particularly if they harbor beliefs of dominance. They operate in an altered state that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Although people have been called narcissists for over 100 years, definitions vary what is meant by the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a leading researcher, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people conceal it, because of so much stigma linked to the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to bolster one’s self-esteem through things like seeking admiration,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Though up to 75% of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are men, research indicates this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be a bit more accepted, as with everything in society,” explains an individual who posts about her dual diagnosis on digital platforms. It is not uncommon, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she explains, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this behavior – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been working to manage it and listen to guidance from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her previous life. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she notes she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures in her youth. “I’ve been learning continuously what is suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she says. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Origins of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. “There is a genetic component,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “tied to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he states, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The individual shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve high marks and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships lasted. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He didn’t think loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he notes – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Following an appointment to his GP, John was referred to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for psychological counseling via government-funded care (ongoing counseling is the primary approach that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for a year and a half: It was indicated it is probably going to be in a few months.”

John has only told a few individuals about his condition, because “there’s a big stigma that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, personally, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to gain insight into my behavior, which is positive,” he says. Each individual have come to terms with NPD and are seeking help for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number